Welcome to Tall Curly Biscuit, the 4th funniest blog on the web. The best thing about having the word “Biscuit” in my blog title is that I no longer have to think about how to spell biscuit. This little blog is for all the folks who believe laughter makes the world go ’round.
Anytime I’m at home, and half the time I’m out, you can find me in workout clothes. One, because I like to be comfortable, and second, because I like to think that anytime I’m at home, I could bust out into a spontaneous workout. I just never know when my body is going to feel like doing jumping jacks. Almost never is a safe bet, but still — I would hate to feel a burst of energy and not be able to jump around just because I was trapped in flimsy sandals and a fancy bra.
Today I got all gussied up (is that what prostitutes do?) for Meet the Teacher, but within an hour of being home, I devolved to this:
My typical look
The one main reason I took this photo was because of the Kleenex sticking out of my sports bra. When I’m wearing workout clothes, there is no place to stick a tissue. My favorite shorts don’t have pockets, and I have to carry a Kleenex. It’s the same theory as the jumping jacks: I would hate to need a tissue and have to walk all the way around the corner to get one. There’s no need to comment on how pathetic I am.
Anyway, I can’t stick it in my waistband because if it falls out, it looks even more disgusting — like it fell out of my panties. I think that’s worse than sticking out of my bra. There’s some kind of gross/weird hierarchy going on here, and I choose in the bra. It’s not the worst choice, but it’s probably pretty close.
I included the All Bran crackers (delicious food of the gods) in the pic because I was eating them at the time and my last post sang their praises.
And then my husband called to discuss the pros and cons of compression sports underwear for my son, who is about to start football. Is that worth interrupting my Kleenex and All Bran photo shoot for? Debatable. But, as a skilled multi-tasker, I was able to talk AND hit the webcam button.
I just heard on Conan that Abercrombie and Fitch offered to pay The Situation from Jersey Shore to NOT wear their clothes. I’ll wait until this news story is confirmed by The Onion before I give my full opinion, but in the mean time, I’ll admit that my son just tried to pay me to NOT walk him into his first day of middle school next week. I wasn’t planning on walking him in anyway, but I may still take the ten bucks to compensate for the pain and suffering of being reminded of how uncool I am.
On a totally unrelated note (or is it?), today I bought massive amounts of All Bran crackers and Trident cinnamon gum. I can only find these delicious, fiber-filled crackers at one store in my area, and I rarely go there. Trident cinnamon can also be hard to come by, so naturally I had to stock up when I had a moment to stop in that grocery store this afternoon.
Delicious for your mouth and good for your intestines
My only purchases were six boxes of All Bran crackers and six packs of gum, and the very overweight cashier gave me a funny look. I jokingly told her I was on an All Bran and gum diet, but I saw a spark in her eye—one that said, “Aha! That’s the answer!” So, when she looses 75 pounds and you hear about the All Bran and Trident diet on the Today Show, just remember that you heard it here first, folks.
Oh, and to add to my blog’s search engine optimization, now I’ll come up first if someone searches tall curly biscuit annals bran crackers cinnamon. My plan is working.
My husband just asked me, “You’re really gonna use the word annals with the blog title Tall Curly Biscuit?” I nodded my head. That question didn’t even deserve a verbal response, because when is annals NOT a good word?
Another selling point is that if someone were to search the words Tall Curly Biscuit and annals, this blog is almost sure to come up as the number one choice. So, I got that goin’ for me.